The Battle We Didn’t Choose

Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer five months after our wedding. She passed less than four years later.

During our journey we realized that many people are unaware of the reality of day to day life with cancer. After Jen’s cancer metastasized we decided to share our life through photographs.

“I saw Jen walk around the corner and it was, you know, it was a lightning bolt.

I just kind of stopped and thought, ‘There she is. I’m going to marry her.’

“Like most young couples, we were excited to start our life together.

We had our plans and ideas and dreams that we wanted to share together,”

“The last thing I thought was that she would have breast cancer. From that point on, life immediately got turned upside down. All the things that I thought I believed in and thought I knew were suddenly challenged.”

“I wasn’t thinking, ’You need an establishing shot,’ or ‘You need a closing shot.’ I wasn’t thinking about making a body of work. I was taking care of my wife, and the camera was definitely a shield for me.

It was an escape.”

“I'll never forget how we looked into each other’s eyes and held each other’s hands. "We are together, we’ll be ok."

“There is no normal in cancer-land.

Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily.

And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?”

“At the time, I remember putting one foot in front of the other,”

“I had my moments where I just wanted to sit and stare at a wall, and I let myself do that. I let myself be sad. I let myself be hurt.”

“In May of 2011 Jen was hospitalized, and when we came home, Jen had to use a walker because the cancer had spread to her hip and she was having difficulty walking. She used that walker for the rest of her life and we would go for daily walks.

It was part exercise for Jen, part to get her out of the apartment, and a time for us to just be a young couple going for a walk.”

“When we would go out to walk I would immediately notice that people would stare, and it didn't seem like it was malicious or any bad intention, but it was a reminder to us that Jennifer was sick."

“Throughout our battle we were fortunate to have a strong support group but we still struggled to get people to understand our day-to-day life and the difficulties we faced…

Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away.”

“With each challenge we grew closer.
Words became less important.
One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control.”

“She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, 'You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.'
We loved each other with every bit of our souls.”

“When people see these photographs, I hope they see life before death.”

“I hope they see love before loss.”

“Jennifer’s last day was intense.

She didn’t peacefully say, ‘I love you,’ and take her last breath and fade off into the twilight and die. It wasn’t that at all.”

“It’s been important to me to try to contribute anything I can back to the world of cancer.
I always thought that if these photographs and our story positively impact other people, then that is a way for Jen’s legacy to carry on.
I think Jen would be proud of that.”

The Love You Share

Our experience with breast cancer was filled with unexpected and often large expenses. Thankfully, our experience was also filled with kindness and generosity from others. A few days before Jen passed I asked her if I could start a non-profit in her honor to keep this circle of help and generosity from breaking.

The Love You Share, named in honor of Jen, provides financial assistance to breast cancer patients in need while they are receiving treatment. Our goal is to make life easier, even if only for a short time, for someone who is fighting for their life.

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