The Battle We Didn’t Choose

Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer five months after our wedding. She passed less than four years later.

During our journey we realized that many people are unaware of the reality of day to day life with cancer. After Jen’s cancer metastasized we decided to share our life through photographs.

A woman with short dark hair smiling and holding a black and white cat. She is sitting on a chair in a room with a white wall and a painting in the background.

A black and white photo of a young woman and a young man drinking from bottles, close-up, outdoors in front of a building with a wooden door and stone steps.

A woman lying in bed, partially covered with white sheets, smiling and looking at her phone.

“I saw Jen walk around the corner and it was, you know, it was a lightning bolt.

I just kind of stopped and thought, ‘There she is. I’m going to marry her.’

A woman with dark hair and a fur coat standing outdoors in an urban area with tall buildings and leafless trees, captured in black and white.

“Like most young couples, we were excited to start our life together.

We had our plans and ideas and dreams that we wanted to share together,”

“The last thing I thought was that she would have breast cancer. From that point on, life immediately got turned upside down. All the things that I thought I believed in and thought I knew were suddenly challenged.”

A woman in a hospital bed looking out the window, with medical equipment beside her and an urban cityscape in the background.

A woman with shoulder-length dark hair and a surprised or amused expression is looking into a mirror. In the mirror's reflection, a person is taking a photo using a camera or phone.

Black and white photo of a subway train with a window showing smiling passengers.

“I wasn’t thinking, ’You need an establishing shot,’ or ‘You need a closing shot.’ I wasn’t thinking about making a body of work. I was taking care of my wife, and the camera was definitely a shield for me.

It was an escape.”

A man lying in a hospital bed holding a remote control, with hospital medical equipment visible in the background.

“I'll never forget how we looked into each other’s eyes and held each other’s hands. "We are together, we’ll be ok."

Black and white portrait of a woman with short dark hair, wearing a patterned top and earrings.

A woman sitting on a subway station bench, leaning forward with hands on her knees, wearing glasses, a long-sleeve shirt, tight pants, and high-heeled boots. The platform appears mostly empty with a few people in the distance, and a tiled wall on the right side.

Woman sitting on an examination table with arms crossed, in a medical room, looking directly at the camera with a serious expression.

A woman with short dark hair lying in bed, partially covered by a quilt, looking at the camera with one eye visible in a black and white photo.

“There is no normal in cancer-land.

Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily.

And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?”

A woman sitting in a hospital bed with a blanket over her shoulders, holding a curling iron in one hand, while a man behind her takes a photo with a camera in front of a mirror. The woman has a serious expression, and medical equipment is visible in the background.

Black and white photo of a smiling couple taking a selfie together, with the woman on the left showing a close-shaved hairstyle and the man on the right with a beard and styled hair, both looking at the camera.

A woman in a hospital gown sitting on a hospital bed, with medical equipment on the wall behind her.

A woman with shoulder-length dark hair, sitting on a medical examination table in a hospital gown, looking at the camera with a neutral expression.

A woman with a shaved head sitting on a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown, in a medical examination room.

“At the time, I remember putting one foot in front of the other,”

“I had my moments where I just wanted to sit and stare at a wall, and I let myself do that. I let myself be sad. I let myself be hurt.”

A woman with a buzz cut and freckles smiling with her eyes closed in front of patterned curtains.

A woman with a shaved head sitting at an outdoor cafe in an urban area during the evening, resting her chin on her hand, with city buildings and street scene in the background.

A woman with a bald head in a swimsuit is taking an outdoor shower on a wooden deck by the beach, with clothes hanging on a line nearby and a cloudy sky overhead.

A young person with a shaved head sitting in the backseat of a car, resting their head on their hand and gazing out the window.

“In May of 2011 Jen was hospitalized, and when we came home, Jen had to use a walker because the cancer had spread to her hip and she was having difficulty walking. She used that walker for the rest of her life and we would go for daily walks.

It was part exercise for Jen, part to get her out of the apartment, and a time for us to just be a young couple going for a walk.”

A woman with a bald head and closed eyes standing on a sidewalk in an urban area, holding a walker with both hands, wearing a light-colored blouse and dark pants.

Black and white photo of busy city crosswalk with pedestrians waiting and walking, including a woman in a long coat and a young girl in a hoodie, tall buildings, and a white van in the background.

“When we would go out to walk I would immediately notice that people would stare, and it didn't seem like it was malicious or any bad intention, but it was a reminder to us that Jennifer was sick."

A black-and-white photo of a person with a shaved head sitting on a windowsill, looking down, with their arms resting on their knees, and a towel around their waist. Outside the window, trees are visible, and there is a walker and electronic device nearby.

A woman with a shaved head applies mascara while looking into a compact mirror.

Two smiling men wearing sunglasses and wide-brimmed hats taking a selfie on the beach. One has tattoos on his arm.

A person laying down and taking a selfie of the ceiling with a smartphone, with a small statue of a person covering their face on the floor nearby. An air conditioning unit is visible in the window behind.

“Throughout our battle we were fortunate to have a strong support group but we still struggled to get people to understand our day-to-day life and the difficulties we faced…

Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away.”

A person with a shaved head leaning on a bathroom sink with arms crossed, in a black-and-white photo.

A person with hospital wristbands on their arm and an intravenous (IV) line inserted into their forearm, holding a test tube.

A person pointing a finger at a sitting calico cat on a patterned bedspread in a room with a plain wall.

A black and white photo of a person with short hair sleeping on a bus or car, with their eyes closed and head resting against the window.

“With each challenge we grew closer.
Words became less important.
One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control.”

A young person with a bald head sitting in a wheelchair in what appears to be a hospital or medical facility, covered with blankets, while someone’s hand reaches into the frame from the left side.

A person receiving an injection in their upper arm from a healthcare worker wearing gloves.

A young man in a hospital bed holding his head in his hands, appearing distressed or in pain, with medical equipment and a cup on a table beside him.

“She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, 'You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.'
We loved each other with every bit of our souls.”

A woman with a shaved head and wearing necklaces is sitting on a leather chair, blowing out candles on a birthday cake with the number '0' candle on it. Another person in a gray sweatshirt is holding the cake in front of her.

Two people holding hands, one wearing a dark sweater and the other in a hospital gown, with hospital wristbands visible. The scene appears to be in a healthcare setting.

A bed with an ornate patterned bedspread, cluttered with pills, papers, and a cat lying down. A person is lying on the bed, partially visible, with headphones on.

A man in a hospital bed with a shaved head and a hospital gown, lying next to a woman with curly hair. Both are looking up at the camera, which is positioned above them.

A man with glasses hugging a bald person in an outdoor urban setting with trees and apartment buildings in the background.

“When people see these photographs, I hope they see life before death.”

“I hope they see love before loss.”

A person in a hospital gown holding a perforated mask resembling a skull in front of their face, with a serious expression.

A man lying in a hospital bed, grimacing in pain, with medical monitoring equipment nearby.

A person with a shaved head sitting up in a hospital bed, gently touching a large black dog that is lying in the bed with them. A hand is reaching out to steady the dog. Medical equipment and monitors are visible in the background.

A woman with a bald head and freckles, looking directly at the camera, has a plastic bag with an aquatic-themed patch and medical tubing attached to her chest.

Black and white photo of a smiling person with a shaved head, resting their head on a chair in a cafe or indoor setting.

A person in a hospital bed with an IV in their arm, covered with a blanket, lying on their back and wearing a head covering, with their eyes closed.

“Jennifer’s last day was intense.

She didn’t peacefully say, ‘I love you,’ and take her last breath and fade off into the twilight and die. It wasn’t that at all.”

A woman with a shaved head lying on a couch, covered with a blanket, looking at a man holding a coin in front of her.

A person sleeping in bed with blankets, surrounded by books on a bookshelf, a teddy bear, and various personal items in a cozy room decorated with holiday stockings hanging from the bookshelf.

“It’s been important to me to try to contribute anything I can back to the world of cancer.
I always thought that if these photographs and our story positively impact other people, then that is a way for Jen’s legacy to carry on.
I think Jen would be proud of that.”

A bedroom with an unmade bed, pillows, and folded laundry on top. There is a bookshelf against the wall with books and decorations. A small table with items and a large black sofa with pillows are also visible.

Black and white photo of a car driving on a rainy bridge, with a view from inside the vehicle showing the windshield and dashboard, overcast sky, and wet road.

The Love You Share

Drawing of five hearts with the word "TILYS" written inside each heart.

Our experience with breast cancer was filled with unexpected and often large expenses. Thankfully, our experience was also filled with kindness and generosity from others. A few days before Jen passed I asked her if I could start a non-profit in her honor to keep this circle of help and generosity from breaking.

The Love You Share, named in honor of Jen, provides financial assistance to breast cancer patients in need while they are receiving treatment. Our goal is to make life easier, even if only for a short time, for someone who is fighting for their life.

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